As a was writing my last post, I looked checked my blackberry for updates as I am trying really hard to detach myself from my phones but its not working. I saw a friend's display picture, it was a wrecked car, obviously an accident just happened. I asked him what happened then he says his friends just had an accident but, they are in the hospital now. I kept on checking on him asking how far with them though I do not know his friends.
It then occurred to me that I am usually freaked out about anything.
I lost my mum at age 15 and since then, I have made it my duty to check on my loved ones regularly just to assure myself they are fine. Now I can guess their emotions over the phone. I try to check up on my closest friends the same way, they probably do not like it but they understand that I won't stop no matter the complaints I get.
I think a few of us are scared of the uncertainty of life that we just want everything under our control. I usually put up that front of "I don't care attitude" but deep down I'm thinking what if I don't get to see this person again, what if we stop being friends, what if the world comes to an end, what if,what if, what if. I spoke to a close friend of mine about it some days ago, she told me "sisi you need to calm down. Everything will be fine as long as you trust God". I told her "but I do now" she said total trust; does not mean you should not worry but do not think of the bad side first. I am sure some of my friends are thinking to themselves "who is this freak", I honestly do not blame them, I know I will be nasty if it were me. Maybe that is why they prefer calling at odd hours when i wont pick so they can leave a voice mail............hmmm. I really do not know.
Doesnt stop me from trying to stay awake so I can know my friend's friends are fine. I would say a prayer for them too. I totally trust God but believe me it is hard loosing a loved one before you realised you could have had a better relationship now imagine more friends. God help us all.